Battle of the Books: Harry Potter vs. Twilight
Hello, and thank you for visiting By the Numbers! I’m Mark Ebson, who writes this blog along with SJ Anderson. (Her post comes next, dun worry!) Each post here is a comparison between two items that uses results obtained from Google to decide. (Each of us releases one post per week. SJ, when you read this, I have now claimed Sundays. I’unno about you. You don’t really need to ‘claim’ a day. I’m just doing this because it’s easier that way for me to know what day I’m posting. Anyways. We both post posts at precisely 3:14. 8D)
There are two types of tests. The first is the Numbers Test. This is by far the most used test – thus the name of the blog, “By the Numbers”. In a Numbers Test, we search two related search terms on Google – e.g. “Twilight sucks” and “Harry Potter sucks”. Whichever one has the most results (or in the case of a situation like this one in which you don’t want to win, the least results), is declared the winner of the test and receives a Test Point.
The other type of test is the Word Test. Have you ever typed “<your name> is” onto Google and saw what came up in the search suggestions? Well, this is pretty much the same type of thing. Again we type in two related phrases that Google must complete for us. Whichever item has the best results receives the point for that test.
In addition, after each test we give the items Coolness Points. The Coolness Points measure the level at which each item succeeded in the test. These are for show, and do not affect the outcome of winner – they do, however, affect the Coolness Quotient, which is CP / number of tests. The items with a higher CQ are considered “cool” and can be found on the “What’s cool? What’s uncool?” page.
And with that, I present to you the first battle – this one’s sure to get people going – Harry Potter vs. Twilight!
My Opinion
Harry Potter, all the way. ^^ I can’t stress this enough. Twilight is bad. But alas, we must use the tests to prove this. Or perhaps the tests will prove me wrong…
Test 1: Numbers Test: H8rs Test
Every great thing has people who don’t like it. (Well said, Mark. Way to use good vocabulary!) In this case, I don’t consider the Twilight series to be a “great thing”, but I digress. In this test we’re measuring the number of results that we get for the phrases “Twilight sucks” and “Harry Potter sucks”. These are the results:
“Twilight sucks”: 5,040,000 results
“Harry Potter sucks”: 1,690,000 results
As you can see, Twilight sucks so much more than Harry Potter. In fact, that’s nearly three more times as much suckage as Harry Potter. That’s HP: 1, Twilight: 0.
And as for Coolness Points, Twilight gets 25 CP and Harry Potter gains 75.
Test 2: Words Test: What are they?
This one’s a words test. In this one we’re putting in “Harry Potter is” and “Twilight is”. Here’s what we get:
Harry Potter is: better than Twilight, satanic, my life, sexist, real, the devil, a horcrux, better than Twilight quotes, a rip off, star wars
That’s 3 good suggestions, 5 bad. That puts HP at a score of -2. As for Twilight:
Twilight is: my life, sexist, horrible, poorly written, retarded, overrated, crap, love on a knife edge in, angel, awful
That’s 2 good suggestions, 7 bad. That means it gets a score of -5. Which means that Harry Potter also wins this test, putting the score at 2-0.
Test 3: Numbers Test: Comparisons
Wait, these are all comparisons, right? Well, in here we’re comparing the comparisons. Confused yet? You should be.
For this we’re putting in “Twilight is better than Harry Potter”, as well as the reverse. The results? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE RESULTS! Okay, here they are:
Twilight is better than Harry Potter: 1,240,000 results
Harry Potter is better than Twilight: 643,000,000 results
We see the clear winner here, yes? HP wins by far! -dances- Harry Potter is currently winning 3-0. But it’s not over yet…
Oh, Coolness Points. Harry Potter gets 100, bringing it to 175. Twilight stays at 25.
Test 4: Word Test: All About the Authors
GAZE at the awesome alliteration…a-skills I have. 
This compares the authors of both series: “J.K. Rowling is” and “Stephanie Meyer is”.
J.K. Rowling is: a bad writer, a witch, hot, worth, a Christian, a genius
Stephanie Meyer is: bella swan, fat, getting used, an idiot, a mormon, dead, a hack, hot, a bad writer
That’s 2 (good) – 1 (bad) = +1 for Rowling. 1 – 5 = -4 for Meyer. Wait, should I count “bella swan” as a bad thing? Eh, it doesn’t matter – HP wins again, making it 4-0.
Test 5: Numbers Test: Nerds FTW
What’s a book series without its overly-obsessive fans? This one compares the number of results for “Harry Potter fansite” and “Twilight fansite”.
Harry Potter fansite: 291,000 results
Twilight fansite: 805,000 results
Well, there we go. Apparently nerds (or in Twilight’s case, overly-Jacob-obsessive screaming teenage girls) are what gets Twilight the point. Now it’s HP: 4, Twilight: 1.
COOLNESS POINTS UPDATE WITH EPICALLY NOT “EPICLY” COOL CAPS LOCK: HARRY POTTER GAINS 27 CP, BRINGING IT TO 202. TWILIGHT GAINS 73, BRINGING IT TO 98.
Test 6: Numbers Test: General Discussion
I’m just as surprised as you are that I didn’t think of this one earlier. I’ll simply search “Harry Potter” and “Twilight”. Oh, and you still can’t handle the results.
Harry Potter: 81,100,000 results
Twilight: 135,000,000 results
Another point for Twilight! Perhaps it’s making a comeback here. We still have quite a few tests to go, so perhaps the Twihards will win this battle. Now it’s 4-2, and looking at that combination of digits, can’t we just stop right here?
Twilight now has 161 CP, while Harry Potter retains its lead with 239.
Test 7: Numbers Test: Moar H8rs.
Instead of “Twilight sucks”, now we’re also putting in “I hate Twilight”. Oh, and I suppose I’ll have to do that for Harry Potter as well.
I hate Twilight: 16,300,000 results
I hate Harry Potter: 8,380,000 results
Well, Twilight still wins in the hating category. That means that Harry Potter now has a three-point lead of 5-2, as well as a 110-CP lead, 305-195.
Test 8: Numbers Test: The…Un-H8rs Test.
I’m tired. It’s ten at night and I had about three hours of sleep yesterday. I’m done coming up with something creative. 8D
“Harry Potter is awesome” vs. “Twilight is awesome” vs. “I am awesome” vs. “you are not.”
Harry Potter is awesome: 91,600,000 results
Twilight is awesome: 11,200,000 results
Rejoice, HP fans! The literary center of your love is statistically proven to be awesome, making it 6-2. And it also gains coolness points – we’re up to 394, while Twilight has but a miserable 206. Harry Potter is nearly double!
Test 9: Numbers Test: Hotness Test
Some people claim to enjoy the Twilight movies because they have hot shirtless guys. Being a guy myself, I can’t quite say that I enjoy the movies for the same reason – actually, I can’t say that I enjoy the movies at all. But, for those who are watching for Shirtless Jacob (liek, oh mah gahhhhh), this test is for you. We’ll compare “Harry Potter is hot” vs. “Edward Cullen is hot” vs. “Jacob is hot”. This is the one Harry Potter is sure to lose, right?
Edward Cullen is hot: 9,730,000 results
Jacob is hot: 11,400,000 results
Harry Potter is hot: 32,900,000 results
WRONG! The one thing Twilight supposedly held against Harry Potter, fallen to pieces! Even Edward and Jacob combined give us only 21,130,000 results, which is still only slightly more than two-thirds of Harry Potter alone. (Hint: It’s because Edward and Jacob only can get Bella, while Harry kisses Cho, marries Ginny and has sex with Hermione in various fanfics.) That means that it’s Harry Potter: 7, Twilight: 2, and the Coolness Points total (the average number of results of Edward and Jacob are used to ensure fairness – we can’t have two against one!) goes up to 467-233. Harry Potter officially is double the cool.
Test 10: Numbers Test: Diehard Fans
Don’t worry, only two more tests left. At this point I’m just still doing it for the anti-Twilight hilarity. This one’ll be “I have read every Twilight book” up against “I have read every Harry Potter book”. Keep in mind that Harry Potter has seven books to read, while Twilight has four.
I have read every Twilight book: 7,120,000 results
I have read every Harry Potter book: 672,000,000 results
-facepalm- No comment. Score is 8-2. The good news is that Twilight gains 1 CP. Coolness Points totals: 566-234.
(Final) Test 11: Numbers Test: Death Threats
We’ll end on a positive note here! We’ll see how many results we get for “Harry Potter should die” vs. “Twilight should die”. Also, I’ve been writing this post for one and a half hours. It takes a while. 8D
Harry Potter should die: 3,890,000 results
Twilight should die: 5,680,000 results
Aaaaand we’re done! Final score: 9-2, Final CP: 625-275
Coolness Quotients: Harry Potter – 69%, Twilight: 31%
Final Verdict
Harry Potter beats Twilight in just about everything, even hot guys. And that’s saying something.
Comment below what you think! I know a lot of Twilight fans won’t change their mind – LISTEN TO FECKIN’ GOOGLE, PEOPLE! This is Mark Ebson saying good night – seriously. Good night. It’s now 11PM. *slams door, closes blinds, hides under covers*
bythenumbersmsn
bythenumbermsn1
Excellent job, Mark. Although I wish you had discussed which one of us got Sunday. ;D. Yes, it is very clear that Harry Potter will ALWAYS be better than Twilight. No doubt about it. I could go into a long rant about this, but I think this was long enough. Kudos to you, my friend. You and I have to go over my topic. *Grabs sleeve* Come, my friend. We have much to discuss. =D
Oh, and I’m ‘claiming’ Mondays.
bythenumbermsn1
July 11, 2010