By The Numbers

Battle of the Breakfasts: Pancakes vs. Waffles

Posted on July 22, 2010. Filed under: Written by Mark |

Stastically, about 1 in 4 Americans do not eat breakfast in the morning. (Yeah, that’s right, I did my research for this. ) I am not one of those 4 people, and there’s a 75% chance that you aren’t either.  So hopefully you’ll have an opinion on this one…

Today I’m doing pancakes vs. waffles.  But you figured that out from the title, didn’t you.  So really this is just a waste of my typing, and I’m now just that much closer to developing carpal tunnel from excessive typing.  Think, every word you’re reading in this paragraph is a useless, unneeded step closer.

My Opinion

Paragraph over; useful, needed steps closer to carpal tunnel resume.  For me, it depends if you’re getting them from the freezer or if you’re actually making them.  And if you have ice cream on the waffles, that’s always a plus.  As long as neither are from the freezer, I love both.  But I do like microwavable pancakes better.  So I suppose pancakes tie waffles when not made from the microwave, but beat waffles when they are.

Test 1: Numbers Test: General Discussion

Our default first test, we’ll enter “pancakes” and “waffles” into Google and see what comes up.  And then our tests will be done, because Google will be full after that.

…I was under the assumption that you would appreciate that joke.  Apparently I was wrong.  I am deeply sorry.

Pancakes: 10,900,000 results
Waffles: 5,260,000 results

As you can see, waffles < pancakes < circles.  Which I find odd, because both waffles and pancakes are circles.  But, moving on, that means that pancakes gain a point, as well as 67 Coolness Points.  Waffles simply gain 33 Coolness Points.

Test 2: Numbers Test: Do you like waffles?  Do you like pancakes?

But we don’t give a damn about French toast (or, as Wikipedia claims, eggy bread in the UK.  Seriously?!).  Sorry, France, but you’re going to have to do better next time.  And please, don’t mess with our toast.

This one’s “I like pancakes” vs. “I like waffles”.  And…

I like pancakes: 6,030,000 results
I like waffles: 920,000 results

I never knew that waffles were so dislike, did you?  Or perhaps it’s just that pancakes are like so much more than waffles.  Or perhaps it’s because people don’t like having to use a waffle iron when they can just put pancake mix in a pan…to make a…cake?  Get it?  Pan-cake?  I’m so witty, I know.

But aaaaaanywho.  Pancakes get another point, making it 2-0.  They also gain 87 CP, while waffles gain 13.  That means that it’s 156-42.

Test 3: Numbers Test: “For the 25% of Americans that don’t eat breakfast, this one’s for you.” Test

Need I say more?  It’s “I hate pancakes” vs. “I hate waffles”.

I hate pancakes: 1,890,000 results
I hate waffles: 1,210,000 results

Well, apparently pancakes are getting all the love *and* all the hate.  Like Justin Bieber.

Imagine if all pancakes were shaped like Justin Bieber?  Could you imagine how much it would suck having to wake up every morning to eat Justin Bieber’s face?

…Actually, depending on age and gender, your answer may vary.  But as for me, it’s a resounding NO.  ABSOLUTELY FREAKING NOT.

But waffles now gain a point, making it 2-1.  And they also gain 61 Coolness Points while pancakes gain 39, making the CP scores 215 for pancakes, 85 for waffles.

Test 4: Words Test: My Breakfast Is…

For all those craving some words in this post, for those who have dyscalculia or simply are tired of math, it’s a Words Test! (!!!1111) And so we see what our two breakfasts are…is pancakes having an affair with French toast?  Is waffles really the child of cereal?  We’ll find this out after the break on…Days of Our Lives.

Pancakes are:

• love speed racer
• better than waffles
• made out of pancakes
• my business and business is good
• love
• healthy
• the better part of valor
• my business
• tiny
• us

Waffles are:

That’s 5 good – 0 bad for pancakes, making their final score +5.  Or perhaps “made out of pancakes” should count as another good point, considering that pancakes are already looking so good.

As for waffles, it’s 5 good – 0 bad, meaning that both actually TIE here.  In this case, adding a point to both would be useless, so both scores will simply stay the same.  And since we can’t get any Coolness Points from a word test, it means that nothing changes here.

…how exciting.

Test 5: Numbers Test: Which One’s Better?

I have no clue as to which way this is going to go.  According to our Words Test, the phrases “pancakes are better than waffles” and “waffles are better than pancakes” are both often searched.  But let’s see…

Pancakes are  better than waffles: 174,000 results
Waffles are better than pancakes: 165,000 results

Oh mah damn, how close that was!  But pancakes grabs the point, making it 3-1.  However, they were extremely close, and so pancakes don’t grab as many Coolness Points as they might like: it’s 51 extra CP for them and 49 for waffles, making it 266 to 134.

(Final) Test 6: Numbers Test: “OOBE” Test (Overly-Obsessive Breakfast Eating)

In case you’re wondering what I mean by OOBE, we’re testing “I eat pancakes every day” vs. “I eat waffles every day”.  At this point, it doesn’t matter what the results are because pancakes have too far a lead, but I don’t want to only do five tests.  So, here we go!

I eat pancakes every day: 1,580,000 results
I eat waffles every day: 486,000 results

Pancakes gain 1, making the final score 4-1.  They also gain 76 CP, and the final score for that is 343-168.

Coolness Quotients: Pancakes – 57%, Waffles – 28%.

Final Verdict

Pancakes apparently pwn waffles.  I’m undecided on the two, but I don’t care to elaborate right now.

Special: “WTF” Test: Multiple Personality Disorder

Because today’s post was so much shorter, I’ll throw in a WTF Test: a Numbers Test based on a phrase that’s completely ridiculous.  For this, it’ll be “pancakes are not circles” vs. “waffles are not circles”.  Let’s see how ridiculous people can be:

Pancakes are not circles: 536,000 results
Waffles are not circles: 359,000 results

Well, apparently pancakes are not circles.  But what shape are they?

Special^2: WTF Test: What Shape are Pancakes?

Well, we can’t leave without finding out exactly what shape pancakes are, right?  Let’s see.

Pancakes are squares: 289,000 results
Pancakes are triangular: 216,000 results
Pancakes are hexagons: 48,200 results
Pancakes are nonconvex great rhombicosidodecahedrons: 2 results

The last option is obviously correct.  That is all. 0.)

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